Happy 2018, everyone! We went to Florida for Christmas and K got sick. Then the hubs who “never” gets sick – yeah, he got sick. After 20 hours in the car with them on our way back to Arkansas, I got sick. Not fun times. New Years Eve was spent in Urgent Care, rushing to grab four prescriptions before the pharmacy closed and with a bowl of pho. Super sexy. This year hubs took care of putting all the decorations away as I slept the weekend away. I’m just a wee bit late posting this…
Looking back at 2017
As I reflected on my 2017 word of the year and the word “act” – I tried to keep true to it. We acted to move out of the big house with big electricity bills. We acted to get into an RV, then we acted to get out of it to help my brother – and to bring some sanity into our lives with the need for more space. I acted to leave a job I didn’t like. I acted to have a closer relationship with my sister and I acted on a multitude of other things, though I did miss the mark in some areas. And now…WOW. 2017 is gone. It had its ups and downs. It was a lot of indecisiveness for me. And a lot of insecurity. I’ve been really taking a hard look at what my word for 2018 will be and it hit me.
In 2017, I criticized myself a lot. Even if others didn’t see it, I was living it, daily. The overwhelming self-criticism? Body image. I’ve gained weight. I’m not the 105-110 pounds I used to be. There’s no making myself up everyday. Hell, there are times I work in my pajamas ’til noon because I hop out of bed and get right onto the laptop answering emails and making calls. I also went through a funk with the blog. I had a ton of ideas, but no motivation to write. Even looking at my blog header I would cringe (okay I still do and can’t wait to update it). Resentment toward myself crept in. Self-doubt reared its ugly head…
Am I a good enough wife?
Am I attractive enough for my husband? I sure don’t look like I did when we met. I am not cooking from-scratch meals as much as I should. Am I really enough?
Why am I not healthy enough? I’m a cancer survivor. I know better.
Am I good enough stepmom?
Is my career enough?
And then I told myself, “Enough.” Well, I actually sort of reached a boiling point and yelled it to myself one day in a moment of wallowing in self-deprication.
Word of the Year 2018
So with that, I turned the word on its head to have a positive spin. My 2018 Word of the Year is ENOUGH.
Confession: I am doing way too much. I have taken on too much and I am worried about too much. It’s time for me to tell myself to just stop…
I am enough; I am good enough. I’ve done enough. I’ve had enough.
In 2018 I am not going to worry about whether we move into an old historic home or a newly built one. I’m going to work on not jumping straight into emails the moment I wake up. And I am going to remind myself to walk away when the day is finished. The email that arrives at 9pm will be there at 9am. It can wait.
I’m going to do something I’ve put off long enough out of fear of looking silly (stay tuned). I am going to tell myself I may never fit into the size zero jeans again, but that’s okay-I just need to be healthy. I will stop telling myself I’ll never get to my goal. And when I have had enough I’ll speak up instead of worrying that I don’t take on enough, because we all need to have an “enough” threshold.
I may not do as well some days as I will others – and that’s alright. My goal here will be not only to remind myself, but others – we’re enough. On our best and our worst days we deserve a break when we need it; when we SHOULD TAKE IT.
I’m going to concentrate on that. If you have a word of the year, please feel free to share it. May 2018 bring much health and happiness to all. Stay tuned for a doggy bed giveaway and my story on being banned from commenting on Hanacure’s Facebook page! 🙂