STEPmother’s Day: You are Not Alone

Stepmother Day

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The Sunday following Mother’s Day exists a holiday that much like those it acknowledges, goes unnoticed and under-celebrated. You won’t find many Hallmark cards for it. No special flower arrangements or cookie bouquets either. Stepmother Day for most is a day just like any other, yet there are up to 36 million stepmothers in the United States. Google search Stepmother’s Day and mixed within a few messages of nicety you will find terms like “Stepmonster” and memes proclaiming what horrible people stepmothers are; ruining children’s lives is what it’s all about. Fading into the background often unseen and under-celebrated, if you are stepmom I am here to tell you on Stepmother’s Day and everyday:

You are not alone.

I know you wonder if your husband will ever understand. I know you wonder if the ex-wife will ever “get it” and give you just a small respite let alone a damn thank you. I know your guilt consumes you and the obstacles often feel insurmountable. I know you question if you are a good person and whether all the stereotypes are true. I know you hold it in until you can close a door and let it out in snot-filled ugly sobs and tears.

You are not alone.

I know your sacrifices – your finances, your privacy, your marriage, your plans, yourself. I know you feel like no one is ever on your side. I know you feel like YOU can’t be on YOUR side. I know your resentment. I know you beat yourself up. I know you question your every move. And I know you thought you knew, but you had no idea.

You are not alone.

I know you worry if your marriage will end up a statistic. I know you wonder where and how you lost yourself along the way. I know the eggshells upon which you walk. I know the roller coaster ride; the highs and lows. I know it sucks when the honeymoon phase with the kids comes to an end. I know when you’re making progress and she calls you want to scream. I know her voice on the other end of the phone makes you cringe. And I know you feel ashamed and petty for it.

You are not alone.

I know your secret wishes. I know you would never dare share them. I know you deserve more and feel childish asking for it. I know you try, sometimes harder than you should. I know you are human. I know you are doing your best even if you feel it isn’t good enough. I know you are nodding your head up and down. I know your eyes water when someone understands. I know you CAN do this, and you will.

I know.

And it’s okay.

You are NOT alone.


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