Stepmothers Day
Life,  step mom,  step parenting,  stepmom

STEPmother’s Day: You are Not Alone

Stepmother Day

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The Sunday following Mother’s Day exists a holiday that much like those it acknowledges, goes unnoticed and under-celebrated. You won’t find many Hallmark cards for it. No special flower arrangements or cookie bouquets either. Stepmother Day for most is a day just like any other, yet there are up to 36 million stepmothers in the United States. Google search Stepmother’s Day and mixed within a few messages of nicety you will find terms like “Stepmonster” and memes proclaiming what horrible people stepmothers are; ruining children’s lives is what it’s all about. Fading into the background often unseen and under-celebrated, if you are stepmom I am here to tell you on Stepmother’s Day and everyday:

You are not alone.

I know you wonder if your husband will ever understand. I know you wonder if the ex-wife will ever “get it” and give you just a small respite let alone a damn thank you. I know your guilt consumes you and the obstacles often feel insurmountable. I know you question if you are a good person and whether all the stereotypes are true. I know you hold it in until you can close a door and let it out in snot-filled ugly sobs and tears.

You are not alone.

I know your sacrifices – your finances, your privacy, your marriage, your plans, yourself. I know you feel like no one is ever on your side. I know you feel like YOU can’t be on YOUR side. I know your resentment. I know you beat yourself up. I know you question your every move. And I know you thought you knew, but you had no idea.

You are not alone.

I know you worry if your marriage will end up a statistic. I know you wonder where and how you lost yourself along the way. I know the eggshells upon which you walk. I know the roller coaster ride; the highs and lows. I know it sucks when the honeymoon phase with the kids comes to an end. I know when you’re making progress and she calls you want to scream. I know her voice on the other end of the phone makes you cringe. And I know you feel ashamed and petty for it.

You are not alone.

I know your secret wishes. I know you would never dare share them. I know you deserve more and feel childish asking for it. I know you try, sometimes harder than you should. I know you are human. I know you are doing your best even if you feel it isn’t good enough. I know you are nodding your head up and down. I know your eyes water when someone understands. I know you CAN do this, and you will.

I know.

And it’s okay.

You are NOT alone.


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  • Fatima Lora

    Wow. Such a beautiful post. I didn’t know how much stepmoms struggled in today’s society. I’ve seen the images in the media and how they are portrayed, but honestly, it seems like you guys have a bigger role to play than us — the parent of the child. I can only imagine how tough it is to raise someone else’s child. You’re doing a great job! And I’m glad you took the time out to write this post, not just for other stepmoms, but for all parents to better understand your struggles.

    • Heather W

      Thank you, Fatima. Sadly, stepmoms struggle a lot. If you look up the site, it will probably surprise you. There is an article there I recently read that says stepparenting is much harder than parenting and I’d agree. It is definitely something that is a constant journey and I thank you so much for the kindness in your reply. I know not all stepmoms are great people, just like not all biological moms are. But most try. And there’s a lot to be said for that.

  • BritishMumUSA

    I am trying to remember the post you wrote about being the Mom/Step mom, Bonus Mom in the girls lives. I loved that post and as I read this one, it reminded me of that post. The girls are so lucky to have you in their lives. I am still married to the girls father, so they have one mum…. Kind of!!! Because most of my girlfriends have stepped in at some point in their lives and been a mum to my girls. When the girls couldn’t talk to me about something, or they just needed another ear…. Their other mum’s were there for them…..

    Just thinking about being in that position of being a step-mom or being the ex wife, I think is a tougher job than being a mom. So many relationships to balance.

    My hat is off to you, and belated Happy Mother’s Day 🙂 You are one to each of those girls 🙂