Life on “Dependa”-Street? Words from a Milspouse


Surely you’ve heard the rumor

That a military spouse

Equates to not much more

Than one who leads the life of a louse

Since it must be true we go after the pay

When a deployment takes them away!

And of course we must not forget – the spouse allowance and “free” housing

Yes those ridiculous rumors do cause quite a rousing…

At such utter bullshit I must chuckle

Pressures, responsibilities and isolation under which so many others would buckle

Out of Love

We rise above

In reverence to a vow greater than our own

Often told we willingly took on, but what it would really mean –

We couldn’t have possibly known

Where in the world is he? When or will he come home to my arms?

Questions we often wonder

With a constant wish upon our lips he’ll always be protected from harm

Military engagement photos

And contrary to popular belief

We have careers and educations

And for income don’t solely rely on our men defending the nation

Across the globe

Near and far

Such an incredibly powerful group we are!

Yet sadly among us we have such ugly discord

For wearing heels to the commissary, yours truly even called a whore

Behind the anonymity of a computer screen of course

The cowards have nothing to answer for

Throw out words like dependapotumus, tag chasers and dependaho

Spread them all around the ‘net

Along with photos taken of those not in the know

Such harsh acts against women they’ve never even met

Utter disrespect for the uniform and

Their serviceman’s position

Remember “got your six”

What ever happened to that tradition?

Seems many have a little too much time on their hands

So those running the cyber- bully pages (and I know you’re there) I implore

Invest your energy in something better

You are worth so much more

And along with that, please remember

We are all in this together


  • Kathryn M Bennett

    Good for you! (and a lot of people) My father retired from Air Force (7 tours in Vietnam) and my first husband was USAF also… And my son was in for a while, going to Kuwait during one of the times of crisis. Brother was in Navy and my nephew was one of the first Army Reserve troops sent into Afghanistan. There is no ‘easy life’ and no easy street in this life at home or overseas.

    • Heather W

      Thank you, Kathryn. Air Force Brat here (my father did 3 tours and I often wonder how he could through it – 7? What an incredible thing).Grandfather and uncle former Army. I really appreciate the comment because it is so true. Thank you for stopping by.

  • Elizabeth Dietz

    This is awesome!! I am not a mil-spouse, but I have a lot of friends who are and I give you all so much credit for all that you do and all that you go through. From deployments and wondering if your loved one is going to make it home ok, to training missions where you can’t talk to them, etc. it takes strong people to be milspouses. I am sure at times it is no cup of tea, but when you love someone that is all that matters!! So kudos to you for this post and hopefully those who are bullying realize how ignorant they must sound!

    • Heather W

      Thank you so much, Elizabeth. I really appreciate your kind words, feedback and I share your sentiment – I also hope they realize the ignorance just isn’t cool!

  • BritishMumUSA

    You go girl. Unreal, for people to get the freedom to bully because of your husband and others that serve. Disgusting. Love how you have gone about this rebuttal, WITH SUCH CLASS!!!! Bravo, smart beautiful lady 🙂

      • BritishMumUSA

        I held back, and now seeing your response I am going to go ahead and say this.

        Ladies seriously we have all left High School several to many years ago. Bullying, online Bullying or what ever form of bullying is going on is so classless, and immature. As MILSpouses you are in a minority, dealing with a very difficult life. You do not have the daily back up of your spouse and need to lean on your tribe for continued help and support. For that help and support to turn and bully is deplorable.

        Please as my Grandmother would say “If you have nothing good /nice to say please don’t say anything at all.”

        It is simple and yet very effective. You don’t like another thoughts/actions move on. You don’t have to linger and be a meanie. Keep going on with your own life.

        If you do feel the urge to bully, then you really do need to look to yourself and figure out what is lacking in your life that you get satisfaction from tearing others down, then seek therapy and again move on.

        We are women need to life up, and support women in our lives, not tear them down.

        As for you Heather, again I APPLAUD you and the way you have written this with amazing class. I am proud to call you a friend. 😉


  • Roslyn Tanner Evans

    This response will teach them a thing or two, no matter what they say, we know you, for the bright extraordinary woman and wife, who is proud to be a military wife.

  • White Dinosaur

    Wow, so well written and such a great way to go about addressing this issue. I applaud you!

  • Beverley Golden

    Great to read your poetic perspective on what life is really like for you. Sounds like there are just as many diverse personalities and interests available as a military wife, as there are in any other walk of life. Enjoyed your direct way of addressing many of the misconceptions about what your life must “really” be like. Thanks for sharing!

    • Heather W

      Thanks so much, Beverly. I have been a career woman for decades now. People are sometimes astounded to find out I work. I certainly have taken another direction and hope to open eyes – just as you said, we come from all walks of life. We’re incredibly diverse and that should be celebrated.

  • Bekah @ re•solve

    I’m not mil or milspouse, but I chuckled a bit at all the ridiculous generalizations addressed in the beginning of your poem. The money? Right. Just like teachers do it for the money. It’s ridiculous that you have to deal with such nonsense.

  • French Robin Designs

    I was stunned. It is very hard to believe people are so nasty! Your family is making a huge sacrifice for the rest of us. Not to mention, it is abusive to say such horrible things about anyone. I think you wrote an appropriate and eloquent response! Blessings to you and your family. 🙂

    • Heather W

      My husband’s colleagues found out I was writing this post and gave him resources to help me research. I didn’t look up any of them. I am same as you – stunned. It is a travesty that we treat ourselves this way in our community. Thank you for your kind words.

  • Kirsten

    You are amazing. I love this post. You guys are making such a huge sacrifice and the fact that others would belittle you is just disgusting. You are so brave and strong, you don’t need to listen to the naysayers. People need to check themselves! : )

    • Heather W

      Aw thank you. I think the hardest part is the milspouses who do it to each other. That’s what I don’t get. Civilians – well some of them are just ignorant and don’t know any better (not that it makes it okay). But as another blogger put it – our husbands will take a bullet for each other. They create a brotherhood, we create a battleground. It’s just so wrong.

  • The Girl Next Door is Black

    This is great; beautifully written. I didn’t realize there was infighting among military spouses. How unfortunate. I would imagine it’s hard enough as is without having to battle with others in similar circumstances.

    • Heather W

      I think it is more cowards who hide behind the anonymity of a computer screen and cyber bully other milspouses. It’s just sad, really. They’ve invested nothing in themselves so this is how they lift themselves up. I feel sorry for them. They could use their energy for good and to have a voice, instead they disrespect themselves and their husband’s careers. Such a shame.

  • Brittney {The Military Wife Li

    I love this! And I completely agree that the people who say those nasty things are cowards hiding behind a screen. We really are in this together and I wish more spouses would realize that sometimes!

  • Mrs.AOK

    BRAVO!!!! I cannot believe this BS still goes on… wait yes I can.
    I think it is disgusting how other military spouses can be SO ugly. We know the struggle; why not embrace one another?
    I did not know heels= whore, would they rather you wear your husband’s PT shirt?
    All the best!
    P.S. I love your pictures!!!

    • Heather W

      Thank you so much. HAHA I can tell you – I can promise I’ve never once – NOT once – worn his PT shirt. Not even to sleep in. I agree with you that we should embrace each other. I hope to see change and I hope it happens, soon. Thank you again for stopping by and commenting – and for the compliment on the photos. We owe that all to Powell Woulfe Photography (Angela is a bad-ass milspouse, too)!

  • Delia

    There’s no excuse for rudeness, never. What a nice an elegant way of handling it, Heather! As Dalai Lama said: “Be kind whenever possible. It’s always possible”.
    Thanks for bringing awareness in the world!

  • Charlotte

    This makes my heart hurt. I can’t fathom why anyone would say such mean, nasty, and hurtful things though I, too, have had stupid insults hurled at me from people who don’t me personally. I can’t even imagine what you must go through as a military spouse but your passion, beautiful spirit, and tenacity comes through in your words. Don’t ever let anyone break your spirit.

    XOXO and thank you so much for finding my blog so I could come back here to read more about you! Hope you have a lovely week!

    • Heather W

      Hi there. Thank you so much for stopping by. I agree with you so much. It makes my heart ache to know there are so many who really could use support and help and instead they receive criticism. We have enough to worry about. Thank you again for your kind words. 🙂 So glad I found you through SITS.