October 6, 2013

Operation 1950’s Hot Housewife – We Have NO MILK!

Milk should always be stored next to the Kahula, right?

Do you ever have times you feel like a complete and utter failure? Like you can’t balance it at ALL when as much as you want to, life is moving at too rapid a pace for that to happen? THAT is how I am feeling this Sunday morning.

It all started when I woke up, very groggy, after taking one quarter of a Melatonin to help me sleep. I saw a note from the hubs on our whiteboard telling me he Loves me and to relax today- “doctor’s orders.” He is right. Last weekend, the doctor did order that. I smiled and figured I’d relax for a few minutes (certainly not an entire day) then I steeped some tea and began to get everything ready to bake some blueberry muffins. I opened the fridge and saw we have no milk. NO MILK!? How can that be? A good wife has milk in her fridge. How did I not know we were running low, let alone out of milk? There went my blueberry muffins! Now I wish I could chalk this hypersensitivity up to PMS, but alas no such luck. It is a beautiful day outside, my husband is on base and I am at home with a dog that got too overzealous with his bone and threw up all over one of his towels (poor guy). All the while thousands of people are out enjoying this beautiful city we live in. My desire to leave the sofa? On a scale of one to ten? Negative ten.

The hubs had a few extra hours off yesterday and they were spent at my event then helping me load a pick-up truck, run around town to wrap said event which involved him trying to open a door and then accidentally dropping a very heavy article made of wood onto my left toe. Glamorous part of the job! He felt awful which made me feel awful. There was a domino effect, and maybe a little bit of my past haunting me. I had to “do it all” in the past or I didn’t measure up. My husband is nothing like the men from my past, yet it’s hard to shake those ghosts sometimes. The entire week feels like a (mostly) fail. I tossed and turned during the week. I always had a list of things in the back of my mind I needed to accomplish and then felt terrible about myself for not getting all of them done.

This week was just one of those weeks… I had overseas calls, calls at the office until past 1930 (7:30pm) calls at 0630 in the morning, calls that were two and a half hours long and calls that made me want to, literally, pull my hair out. Or someone else’s hair out. One by one, preferably from their arms so it would irritate them as much as they had just irritated me. My husband had an out of town visitor, I spent a couple hours at the dentist (no cavities, but more visits required), the event over the weekend and overall there was a lot going on.

I finished all of my cleaning last weekend, but over the week I could barely keep up. Thank goodness for the hubs pitching in. I think I accomplished laundry and putting away said laundry about once over the week. I know we ran errands for my event and got Walter some dog food, bones and a new Kong ball (which luckily he hasn’t destroyed yet).

It’s all kind of a blur. We did have some good meals with one Pinterest “eh” (I wouldn’t call it a fail, but I wouldn’t call it success either). I am going to write a separate post with those recipes.

The night that the hubs had a friend in from Arkansas was great. While I felt bad being late because of a conference call that went way over, she was awesome and we had a good time at one of my favorite wine bars and then out at a sports bar in the Gaslamp area of San Diego (we are walking distance). I thoroughly enjoyed the meat, cheese and chocolate plates we ordered along with a delicious Cab I can’t remember the name of. It was recommended by my favorite bartender who never lets me down! Note to self: Get the name of that wine. Hubs said to me that we really need to make an effort to do that more often. The man speaks the truth.

Last week I wrote that I need to make it a point to take time for myself. It is just so difficult for me to do. I feel guilty relaxing. I feel like I am wasting time when there are places to see and things to do. Logically I know it will all be there tomorrow. Emotionally it makes me feel like I’m falling short. How do others deal with this? What are your strategies for just letting it “wait until tomorrow”? Then really getting it done tomorrow?

Today I need a break. I need my brain to slow down and I need to try not to worry about what needs to be accomplished. Against my proclivity to do otherwise, I am going to give myself permission to take that break. I think writing it here and knowing, somewhere out there, other women have perhaps felt the same is a bit cathartic for me. So to those reading this, wherever you are, thank you for the outlet.

I have three books waiting to be read. I think I’ll start one and steep another cup of Monk’s Blend.